tortured poets department open thread

with my cross-bow / I shot the ALBATROSS

Hello! This is an open thread for anybody who wants to chat about the Taylor album coming out at midnight. I guess chat also performs this function? But I did not want to learn how to use it, so… I… didn’t.

Anyway, I want to let the album settle before I write anything about it. Also I’m guessing the four bonus tracks are going to sort of trickle in, since I foolishly ordered from her official UMG store and it takes forever to ship. So it might actually be a while before the official BDM Industries piece is done. Thus: this open thread. It will also be the open thread for any release weekend+ chaos, like the music video on Friday.

I have two ground rules for this open thread. Number one: we’re here for music, not gossip. If you want to extract some hot gossip from the album, or talk about a man (ew), you will have all of the rest of the internet for that.

a visual aid

I get that this is the most gossip-driven Taylor album cycle since reputation and if Taylor herself gets on the mic and spills a bunch of intimate details then we will adjust. Obviously, if there’s a song on this album the lyrics of which go “here’s how this person I’m naming by name wronged me with timestamped receipts,” or a song like “Soon You’ll Get Better” or “Marjorie” that clearly and directly references her life, then we will play that by ear. For now, though… no gossip! Them’s the rules.

Second ground rule: I know that something leaked on Wednesday. No judgment if you listened but if you did… don’t bring it up or hint at anything until everybody’s had a chance to listen to the whole album. :) If you break this rule I will get very angry. :) You’ve been warned. :)

But anyway—what fun! What poet have you chosen to torture? And by what means? What tracks are you most excited about? For me, as far as bonus tracks go, I gotta hear “The Bolter” as soon as is humanly possible… And I’ve been cracking open the biography of Clara Bow I bought last year (what did I know in January 2023? how did I know it?). I have mostly stayed out of all the easter egging she’s been doing since I am bad at it and prefer to be surprised… but are we going to find out what all the ✌️ that everybody’s been doing means? Does it really just mean that “Fortnight” is the lead single? And why did Spotify put niceboy ed on my Discover Weekly playlist? Are my lightbulbs talking to me? Etc etc etc.

this really speaks to me

If you want to pregame: did you read Tavi Gevinson’s odd mostly fictional Taylor zine? Very goofy but interesting, at least when it comes to her reflections about herself. I hope she did not really give Taylor a vial of her baby teeth but I imagine people give celebrities stuff like that all the time… even, apparently, other celebrities.

Also, not really Taylor related at all, but my friend

Lyta Gold

alerted me to the existence of a twenty three minute EP from The Decemberists about Joan of Arc. So if you, like me, avoid listening to Taylor in the weeks leading up to a release… it’s worth a listen! And there’s always the Taylor Swift of the Baroque era… Antonio Vivaldi:

I can feel “Antonio Vivaldi” becoming a running joke on the Substack and I’m not opposed but I also feel like this will lead me to learn a bunch about Vivaldi out of guilt.

i took these pictures earlier today and i thought this dark lipstick would look sort of clara bowish but it probably needs a different sweater. however nobody can tell the difference when you're black and white… then i went outside and it was like oh the light's so much better but i'd already taken it off. anyway here's the dog.

I’ll tell you what I find kind of hilarious and stupid (about myself) w/r/t this release: despite being A Broke BDM I have for some reason just gone all in on buying every dumb little gimmick. I can’t even tell you why. Special edition CDs? OK. Signed vinyl? OK. A CD single that is just one song that is also on the actual CD and has no reason to exist? Sure, fine, whatever. I guess it’s just kind of fun.

the lipstick suits the coke zero can though

Finally—this post is “paywalled” because I want people to feel free to get goofy in the comments without feeling weird about lurkers or whatever. So there isn’t actually more text than this. This is the end of the text. No more words. Fin. The end. 🫡